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THE ACCIDENTAL ROLE MODEL PLAYBOOK
Practical tools to help everyday men use their influence with confidence, care, and intention.
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ABOUT THE PLAYBOOK
Most men don’t think of themselves as role models - the title sounds too big, too formal, too perfect. But the truth is that boys and young men are always learning from the men around them. Influence happens in the everyday: a moment of patience, a joke that lands well, an apology after a tough day, a quiet check-in, or the way a man talks about women and other men.
The Accidental Role Model Playbook helps men notice that everyday influence and use it well. Built from conversations with men across Western Australia and grounded in research on masculinity and prevention, the playbook offers simple tools, relatable examples and practical guidance for real-life situations. It isn’t about perfection - it’s about presence. It’s designed to be flipped through, dipped into, and used in the moments that matter.
The Accidental Role Model Playbook works as a pair: a physical guide you can hold, flick through and return to, and a series of short videos that sit alongside it. Use one or use both - whatever feels natural. Some people read a section and then watch the video to see it come to life; others watch the video first and come back to the playbook when they want a bit more depth. You can use it as a conversation starter with another man, as a tool to spark reflection on your own habits, or as something to keep nearby for the moments when influence shows up unexpectedly. There’s no right order or right way to engage. Pick it up, try something, talk about it, and come back whenever you need to.
THE IDEA OF THE 'ACCIDENTAL ROLE MODEL'
Most men become role models without ever choosing the title. Influence grows quietly out of everyday interactions — the way you respond to stress, how you speak about others, the patience you show, the honesty you model, or the boundaries you set. The playbook reframes role modelling as something that happens in real life, in real time, whether we mean to or not. Once men start noticing these small moments, they often realise they’ve been teaching others all along.
MYTH BUSTING: THE 'PERFECT' ROLE MODEL
Most men become role models without ever choosing the title. Influence grows quietly out of everyday interactions — the way you respond to stress, how you speak about others, the patience you show, the honesty you model, or the boundaries you set. The playbook reframes role modelling as something that happens in real life, in real time, whether we mean to or not. Once men start noticing these small moments, they often realise they’ve been teaching others all along.
SIGNS YOU'RE ALREADY A ROLE MODEL
Many men downplay or miss the signs that others look to them. The playbook helps make these signals visible: people asking your opinion, copying your stories, seeking your advice, watching how you handle pressure, or echoing the way you talk about others — especially women. These are the moments that reveal your impact. Recognising them helps men understand the responsibility and opportunity they hold.
WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE
Real influence doesn’t sound like lectures or grand speeches —
it sounds like real conversation. It shows up in encouragement, setting gentle boundaries, checking in, apologising when needed, asking curious questions and making space for people to speak. The playbook shows how simple phrases, delivered calmly and honestly, can shape confidence, safety, respect and emotional connection.
WHERE IT HAPPENS
Role modelling happens across everyday environments: at home, at work, on the field, in public, online and in small everyday interactions. The playbook shows how body language, tone, reactions and choices all send messages. The way men handle conflict, show appreciation, treat strangers or manage stress teaches just as loudly as their words. Influence is visible everywhere you show up.
QUICK WINS: SMALL EVERY DAY ACTIONS
The playbook offers simple, doable actions men can start today — from owning a mistake, asking curious questions, and backing someone who’s talked over, to putting the phone down, using someone’s name, speaking positively about others, or celebrating small progress. These actions don’t require special skills; they’re small shifts that build trust, strengthen relationships and shape culture.
Some moments require more than a quick tip or a passing thought. They’re the moments when you feel the tone shift, when something lands badly, when someone withdraws, or when you can see a young person wrestling with something bigger than the moment itself. The Deep Dives are designed for exactly those situations. They help you slow down, notice what’s happening beneath the surface and choose a response that keeps the relationship safe, steady and respectful. Each one offers practical guidance drawn from real experiences — not scripts or perfect answers, just grounded ways to show up when things get complex.
ABOUT THE DEEP DIVES
WHEN BANTER CROSSES THE LINE
Banter builds connection, but it can also mask disrespect. When teasing becomes targeting or someone stops laughing, it can cross into harm. This section helps men read the room, notice when the tone shifts and set gentle, steady boundaries without killing the mood. It offers practical ways to reset the tone, support someone who was hurt, and steer the group toward humour that includes rather than excludes.
WHEN SOMEONE IS
LOST ONLINE
Many boys are spending more time online than in conversation with real people, and harmful influencer content can fill the gaps. This section helps men recognise early signs — confident but extreme opinions, dismissing empathy, withdrawing socially, or repeating online catchphrases. It offers grounded ways to stay calm, build trust, ask curious questions and bring conversations back to real life. Presence, not expertise, is what makes the difference.
WHEN STEREOTYPES
CREEP IN
Even men who don’t believe in rigid gender rules still feel their pull. This section explores how stereotypes show up quietly — in avoiding vulnerability, trying to “fix” feelings, mocking something “soft”, or reacting harshly to mistakes. The playbook supports men to notice these moments in themselves and others, widen the picture of what being a man can look like, and model a more flexible, human version of strength.
WHEN CONVERSATIONS
GET TOUGH
Some conversations feel awkward, emotional or high-stakes — but they’re often the most important. This section helps men stay steady in those moments: noticing withdrawal, checking in without pressure, listening more than fixing, and returning to the conversation with care. It shows how staying open, calm and consistent builds trust and creates space for honesty, even when the words don’t come easily.
WE WANT FEEDBACK.
Our work is not done. This Playbook will keep evolving, and your experiences matter. Share what landed, what didn’t, or what you’d like more of - we’re building this with you.
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